Extreme Extravaganza 2023

The very first face we see in this new era of GEW is ring announcer Carly Mitchell! She can barely contain herself as she welcomes us to Extreme Extravaganza 2023, then introduces the international superstar band who broke out in GEW, Critical Acclaim! There's an ovation as Mark Chapman, Damien Synn, Jay Hammond and The Duke take the stage, where their instruments are already set up. Mark banters with the audience about how awesome but surreal it is to be here right now, and then they launch into "Game Over" from their new album, Life is But A Dream...!



Once the cheering and clapping for that performance fades away, Mark and Damo reminisce a bit about the good and bad times back in the day, before they play a second song from the album, "Mattel".



After they're done, we cross to our classic commentary team of Mick Crellin and Stevie Howard (the latter marking out over Critical Acclaim like it's 2008) who run down the tale of the tape for the evening's matches while the ring crew clear the instruments from the stage. The fans don't get much of a break to calm down before Broken Yoke's "Out of Control" hits the PA and Kameron Chase emerges for the first match!

1. Kameron Chase vs Sah'ta Thor ends in time limit draw
There's electricity in the air as the two former GEW World Champions and Hall of Famers stare at each other across the ring. The fans chant "this is awesome" before a punch is even thrown, and Kam and Thor can't hide their smiles at hearing it. But soon enough the battle is on; it's a long time since they've shared a ring, but they quickly remember one another's old moves and habits leading to a match that's as much mental as physical - though they get surprised by some newer aspects of each other's game, too. Time marches on after all. This match has a bit of everything including mat grappling, striking contests, violent ringside brawling and a sprinkling of high risk dives. Kameron kicks out after the Parasite Eve, but Thor repays him a few minutes later when he kicks out from the Mental Maelstrom. Not long after that they're exhausted but still going back and forth on the mat looking for holds... when the bell rings! The thirty minute time limit has elapsed!

They stand face to face in the ring, both dripping sweat and heaving deep breaths, and shake hands... but lean in close with cocky smirks and a mutual promise that this will resume down the line.

2. Lyra Keston, Napoleon Collins III, Revvy King, Ryan McGrath & Zeke Colton Spence def. Alex Chambers, Asher, Coby, Snow Queen VN & Takeo Shima
The ten Wildfire rookies are all hyped to show off what they can do - for most of them, this is the biggest stage of their careers so far. It's all grounded in technical wrestling because Kameron and Mark made sure to drill the basics into them, but flavoured with their respective personal styles, from the daredevil high flying of Asher and Coby, to Takeo's chain stretching, to Snow's martial arts striking, to Alex's violent brawling. The three tag teams in this (Zeke & Napoleon, Lyra & Revvy and especially Coby & Asher) all get in some slick double teams, but everyone in general Gets Their Shit In (tm), and do a good job of making the fans want to see more. The match culminates in your classic "everyone comes in one by one and does their finishers on each other" bit, starting with Alex flapjacking Ryan into a Positive Polarity Impulse from Snow, only for NC3 to send Alex outside and hit Snow with a fisherman buster, and the whole lot ending with Lyra hitting the Eye of the Storm on Coby... Alex pulls Lyra out of the ring before she can pin and they start fighting at ringside, but it took so long to go through everyone's moves that Ryan's back up by now! He's woozy but he leans back across Coby smugly with his arms folded, nodding along with the three count.

Afterwards, Revvy, Lyra, Napoleon and Zeke all stand in a line facing the hard cam so the ref can raise their arms together, but Ryan totally ignores them and hops up onto the apron, beating his chest and boasting about his win. The others all exchange a look of "can you believe this?" which he never even notices.

3. Myles Taylor def. Matty Graves
Predictably from two such reckless men - one of them has it in his name, even, sort of - this is a wild brawl which goes all over ringside. As a deathmatcher, Matty is in his element out there, but Myles shows the kind of fortitude which once helped him return to wrestling after suffering a ruptured pancreas in a match, and once they're back in the ring he's able to hit the Reckless Rhetoric to get the victory.

The UK Dragons are standing backstage, still in their street gear, which means plain trackies and sweatshirt in Leanne Evangelista's case and a rainbow ensemble of kimono jacket, hot pants, Hawaiian shirt and fuzzy headband in Laurel Anne Hardy's. Laurel goes first because of course she does, and after her hellos she runs down the matches GEW made famous that she never got the chance to compete in the first time around, like tonight's main event, Shatterzone, as well the Doomsday ladder match, High Rise Hell, and of course the most famous of all: Concrete Cage. She's looking forward to ticking them all off. Evangelista's in a less upbeat mood though. She points out how she's going to be the only one in their match tonight who hasn't gone on to win a singles world championship in the years since GEW closed. Laurel points out that Tony Harrison hasn't either and Evangelista concedes that okay, yes, Tony Harrison hasn't either, but is that comparison supposed to make her feel better? Laurel was the final XWA World Heavyweight and first Supreme XWA Champion, while MC Inc are both former ICWF World Champions. Laurel may have a checklist of matches she wants to tick off, but Evangelista has only one solitary goal: stake her claim as an elite tier star once more, so she can finally claim a singles world championship of her own.

4. Phreak def. Zanatos in a deathmatch
Despite both of these guys weaving in and out of GEW over the course of a few overlapping years, this is actually a first time ever match. Despite having never crossed paths and having no personal animosity, they don't hold back on the brutality, bringing in light tubes, tables, chairs, kendo sticks, staple guns and skewers until both are shedding blood all over. Eventually Phreak manages to drive Zanatos through a table with a Phreakish Intents off a chair to bring this gory affair to a close.

5. The Natural Ones (Anson Orlandelli & Russ Lehman) def. The Jokers Wild (BlakJak & Spades)
Rampant cheating on both sides, to almost absurdist levels as both teams give the referee the runaround to hit each other with sneak attacks. The hapless official even gets a "look behind you!" chant at one point as Spades and Anson trade rakes and fishhooks while Russ and BlakJak lead him around in circles with an over-the-top argument. In the end, it's the Game Knights who win this long, intense, back-and-forth battle of the tricksters, with Russ pinning Spades after he and Anson land You Have Zero Continues.

6. Velvet Grey def. Nikki Song
Velvet may now be in her early 40s but she's as intense as ever, creating pressure immediately. Nikki's more than fine with a fast pace, though, using her speed and agility to evade Velvet's offence. At different points in the match they each play cat and mouse, whether it's Nikki trying to escape Velvet's punishing grapples or Velvet doing her best to dodge Nikki's strikes and springboards. At last it seems like Nikki has the match in hand and she goes up top for a moonsault... but as she's sailing through the air she eats a Sweet Dreams, upside down! Velvet follows it with a Shooting Star and gets the three!

7. Matt Kail & Serena Raine def. 420 B.C. (Ligaya Fontaine & Serenity), Cole McGrath & Kai O'Hara, and Isabella Thorn & Ivan Grant
Early on, this fourway tag match's main throughline is the battle between the Imperial Youth and Wildfire reps - both sides mixing technical acumen with speed (Isabella/Kai) and power (Ivan/Cole). With Cole a part time fighter compared to the other three, and Isabella bringing a lot of momentum as EHWF Junior Heavyweight Champion, it's the children of Sah'ta Thor and Baby Dogg who come out on top of that contest. But Ligaya and Serenity's skill with double teams helps them shut Ivan and Isabella down in turn, and Ligaya and Isabella in particular go into an impressive chain wrestling exchange which ends with Ligaya trapping Isabella in the Tentacle Monster, only for Kai to break it up. As for Matt and Serena? They've been hanging back somewhat, getting involved for stretches here and there, but largely content to pick their moments... a strategy which pays off as they dominate the match when they finally decide to get stuck in fully! Isabella, Kai and Ligaya each get big hope spots, but it's not enough ultimately as Ivan is caught in a Blood Rain from Serena straight into a Tumultuous Fall from Matt, and Serena flings herself into the rest of the field with a crossbody to protect Matt while he picks up the pin.

8. Troy Gafgen def. Mark Chapman
Big show of respect between the former GEW Tag Team Champions, but once they lock up they hold nothing back. It's a classic contest of technique vs power as Mark looks to ground the big man and stretch him out, while Troy's gameplan is to hoss the former MMA fighter around with suplexes and slams. They have a lot of counters to one another, having fought side by side so much in the past; nonetheless this is a physically punishing match sure to leave both of them with bruises, even though it stays entirely inside the ring and no weapons are involved. Mark almost locks in the triangle choke, but in a phenomenal show of strength, Troy's able to stand up and deadlift Mark up with him, and transition him into The Sickness for the win.

Following the match the screen fades to black, then slowly into a dull night-time shot. A soft breeze blows around a graveyard where Casey Black cuts a forlorn figure in the darkness, head bowed. Beneath his gaze, a single tombstone:



Casey turns to look over his shoulder into the camera.

Casey Black: GEW is dead but I am still live! So afte I beat UK Dragons I will go to the main event and win the world title once and for all!

Casey laughs, spitting on the grave.

Casey Black: its time for change and I am the change the GEW needs! I am Casey Black and I am goibg to win!

Casey kicks the grave, letting out a sharp squeal as it was obviously harder than he expected it to be. He hops on the spot - clutching at his toes through his shoe - before hopping towards his car where he drives to the arena. When he gets out of the car he sees a boy crying.

Boy: Why is GEW dead?

Casey Black: Because GEW knew I was better and was too scares to face me

Casey kicks the boy and laughs evily, albeit with a sore foot from earlier. He walk into the arena and push over a staff member.

Casey Black: Stay out of my destiny, I am goig to do to you what I will to UK Dragons.

Casey climbs onto a vending machin and does the Flying Teabag to the staff member. He laughs and walks all the way from the arena to London where, inside a luxury apartment, we find Tony Harrison sitting snuggled up on the sofa with one Lance Murphy. It will be Christmas Extreme Extravaganza soon and the loved-up newlyweds are looking forward to sharing precious time with each other. 'tis the season, after all. A sudden ringing of the doorbell shatters the intimacy and, after sharing a look of, "no, you get it", Lance draws the short straw and heads downstairs to address the unwelcomed caller.

Standing outside in the cold and the snow Casey Black waits nervously. He hasn't felt like this since the time he accidentally called his third grade teacher mom. Clutching a boombox in his arms he stares, fixed on the door which slowly opens to reveal Lance Murphy. Casey holds a finger to his lips, urging Lance not to close the door before pressing play and holding up a series of cue cards.

"Lance mate, who's there?" cries Uncle Tone from inside the house.

SAY IT'S CAROL SINGERS

"Uh, nobody, it's just Carole Sayers?"

Casey cringes; he knew his handwriting was no good for this. Still, he's walked all the way here from the arena, so he continues cycling through his cards.

WITH ANY LUCK BY NEXT YEAR

Lance looks bewildered.

I'LL BE TAG TEAMING WITH ONE OF THESE PEOPLE...

Casey drops the card to reveal a card full of pictures of Scott Simmonds. Lance looks less than impressed.

BUT FOR NOW LET ME SAY, WITHOUT HOPE OR AGENDA,

JUST BECAUSE IT'S CHRISTMAS EXTREME EXTRAVAGANZA-

(AND AT CHRISTMAS EXTREME EXTRAVAGANZA YOU TELL THE TRUTH)

Lance's confusion has turned to disinterest at this point, as he has pulled out his phone. Casey audibly clears his throat which brings Lance back into the moment.

TO ME, YOU ARE PERFECT

AND MY WASTED HEART WILL LOVE YOU

UNTIL YOU LOOK LIKE THIS

Casey drops the card to reveal a picture of Sah'ta Thor with a crudely drawn lightning bolt hitting the tip of his penis.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EXTREME EXTRAVAGANZA

Casey smiles at Lance, drops his cards, stops the boombox and starts off down the street. After a few moments of hesitation Lance chases after him and stops him in the middle of the street. They gaze longingly into each other's eyes before embracing in the manliest of hugs. Behind them, with a screech of tyres, a 1999 Nissan Pulsar arrives at a halt, Tony FUCKING Harrison sitting behind the wheel with a pair of dark shades on.

"Come on boys, it's showtime, you don't need a tag team partner when you've got Family."

Lance flies Dukes of Hazzard style through the open window to ride shotgun as Casey hops into his protective booster seat in the back. The radio begins to play the dulcet tones of The Darkness' "I Believe In A Thing Called Love" and Tony jams the Pol-Potsar into gear and speeds out of shot with another screech of tyres. As the song kicks into full force around the arena the Pol-Potsar drives through the curtain and onto the stage where Tony hops out and opens the doors (and unbuckles Casey from his childproof latching system) to allow MC Inc to spring forth from their chariot and make their way to the ring.

Tony's backing the car up a bit when the music transitions into Glass Candy's "Candy Castle" and the UK Dragons emerge - true to their name, they're dressed as dragons! Iridescent scale-effect ring gear in GEW green, matching scale makeup across their faces, shoulders, upper arms and upper backs with diamante details, reptilian contact lenses, and big wings attached to their armbands. They dance around on the stage for a few seconds, pulling shapes with their wings, then jump up on top of the Pol-Potsar to dance some more, Evangelista on the roof, Hardy on the bonnet. Tony cries out in anguish "C'mon, you slags! I just 'ad it waxed!" - but instead of getting down, they glance at each other and take drinks from pink-painted flasks... then strike matches and breathe huge plumes of flame from their mouths! Tony protests they're gonna peel the paint like that, but Laurel blows out a gust of fire in his direction, making him hop back with a yelp, before they finally drop down and fly (or, er, jog flapping their wings) to the ring.

9. MC Inc (Casey Black & Lance Murphy) def. The UK Dragons (Evangelista & Laurel Anne Hardy) 2-1 in a two out of three falls match
The fans are crazy hyped for this encounter between two teams who both went on to the highest of highs since GEW - as well as a few serious lows. Tonight they're all firing on all cylinders though and it goes well over 10 minutes of fast paced, back-and-forth action before the first fall even happens, when Evangelista manages to trap Lance in the Lime Street Loop to take the lead for the Dragons. Shortly after Lance tags out, Evangelista goes for a rolling koppu kick and Casey leapfrogs over it - but not high enough and he gets it right in the pods. He's in agony. Evangelista is mortified and apologising over and over. Lance and Laurel both find it hilarious, and Tony is suppressing a laugh too. The ref waves it off as an accident, but also grants Casey a moment to recover, which Evangelista respects. Casey does at least get some revenge on Laurel for laughing at him when, a few minutes later, he manages to catch her with a Fade to Black to equalise. The end comes at around the 25 minute mark when Evangelista looks for the Lime Street Loop on Lance again, but he counters into a How To Kill A Cunt attempt; she escapes and comes in looking for the Headbreaker, but Lance reverses into a shortarm lariat and follows up with the Ultimate Zing to take the third fall.

While the ring crew attach the Shatterzone structure to the apron for the main event, a video package plays showcasing the training schools associated with GEW stars: Kameron Chase and Mark Chapman's Wildfire Academy in Orange County, California; Shane Tallin's Battlegrounds Academy with branches in Ottawa, Ontario and London, England; Manchester's Caledonian, where the UK Dragons are senior trainers; the ICWF Academy, right here in Pittsburgh, owned by Scott Simmonds and Benji Merrick; and the Empire of Blood's Imperial Youth programme, which operates across the entire United States.

Then the video transitions to a group of six men: Dexter Callaghan, Cerberus, Benji Merrick, Gregor Grant, Cole McGrath and Matty Graves, the latter two now showered and changed after their matches. Dexter takes the lead, introducing this sextet as GEW's booking committee. They announce that GEW's next show will be in two weeks, emanating from New York's iconic Hammerstein Ballroom on the 8th of July, featuring Kameron Chase vs Evangelista, Mark Chapman vs Serena Raine and MC Inc vs the Natural Ones... and that GEW will return to pay per view with Open Season on the 23rd of September, live from the Bren Events Center in Irvine, California!

Before the main event, Crell and Stevie remind us of the rules: the winner will be the first man to put his opponent through the glass skirt surrounding the ring from above only. No pinfalls, submissions, disqualifications or countouts, and being driven through those sheets from below won't end the match either.

10. Scott Simmonds def. Shane Tallin in a Shatterzone match
The two stalwarts of the original GEW take a moment to appreciate the gravity of the situation they find themselves in, main eventing a GEW show once again after 12 years, but this fleeting moment of calm is soon extinguished by a violent and bloody storm. Scott and Shane pretend like this is going to be a wrestling match for about 4 minutes, trading some holds and counter-holds. Like the WNBA they show good fundamentals, but everybody here is looking for a slam dunk. After a brief chain of grapples Shane rocks Scott with a jab to the throat and a fisherman’s suplex, but before he can capitalise further, Scott rolls out of the ring via the small gap in the corner between the glass panes and immediately sets to work trying to rearrange the furniture. Instead of intervening, Tallin gives him a nod and goes to the outside himself. Eventually both men return to the ring for round 2, now surrounded by tables, chairs, light tubes, log cabins and a couple of trash cans full of other assorted tidbits.

The chain wrestling starts again, but this time it's Scott who gives up first, raking Shane’s eyes before snapping him into a hard DDT. As Shane rises back to his feet Scott grabs the nearest light tube and shatters it across his head with a delightfully playful puff of glass. Somewhat undeterred, Shane smiles, looking like he almost enjoyed it, and finally it's on. Back and forth they go, denting chairs, shattering glass and finally both going through a table off a superplex (Scott initiating proceedings, but under the circumstances they both got as good as they gave). The first log cabin goes at around the 12 minute mark when Scott whips Shane into the corner and follows him in looking for a lariat, only to be caught by Tallin on the counter-offensive with an uranage that leaves Scott laid out on the mat, which is quickly becoming more debris than canvas. Dragging the dreadlocked Georgian back to his feet, Shane looks to inflict more damage with a Calamity Combo, but Scott catches his leg on the superkick, swinging it down like a pendulum and in one swift motion grabs him into an exploder suplex through another of the strategically placed log cabins. Scott removes a spool of barbed wire from a trash can, which he proceeds to wrap around his own arm. He Helps Shane back to his feet, then gives him a snapmare with his barbed wire arm for his efforts, leaving him seated, before shooting off the ropes and nailing him across the face with a barbed wire lariat! It leaves Shane with a nice gash on the top of his head which quickly begins to flow blood down his face while both men lie trying to catch their breath.

The pace slows through the next part as the effects of the match start to take their toll. It devolves into a slugfest and they soon leave the ring, avoiding the glass sheets circling the apron (remember this match can only technically end when someone breaks that glass and not all of the other glass), and Scott and Shane fight their way around the arena and through the crowd - only stopping when they find two full cases of light tubes, and begin a dramatic duel, crashing the tubes against each other one by one, Scott getting busted open in the melee. The two battle to the top of the ramp, and there are a bunch of tables below the stage covered in wires and bits of arena stuff which someone was obviously not paid enough to move before the show started. Now they're going to get their pay docked because it's absolutely destroyed when Shane goes for a piledriver, only to get himself backdropped off the stage, crashing through all of it! Scott drops down to a seated position at the top of the entrance way after this and just takes a moment to catch his breath, also probably contemplating how he's going to get Shane back down to where that glass is.

After wiping sweaty, crusty blood from his brow, Scott’s expression soon turns to one of confusion, then anger, and finally he launches into a blind rage. Shane had crashed and burned through the tables, and he's gone now, but in his place Noumenon rises from the ashes! Scott launches himself off the stage looking for an axe handle but gets met with a boot to the gut, before the masked leader of The Asylum grabs a handful of cables which he wraps around Scott’s neck and begins dragging him around and choking him. Noumenon continues to dominate Simmonds at ringside, eventually dragging his battered body back to the ring, where he begins toying with him. Noumenon pushes his mask into Scott’s freshly re-bloodied face, making him look at him, taunting him before signalling that the end is nigh - and it is. After being taunted by that fucking mask again, Scott finally snaps and 12 years worth of hatred finally spill over. For everything he had lost, for everything GEW lost, Scott makes it his holy mission to batter the ever loving Christ out of Noumenon. A flurry of fists and dreadlocks are all that can be seen as Noumenon tries to cover up before Scott finally relents - standing off his opponent and holding aloft the mask which he had ripped from Shane, before dropping it symbolically in one of the trash cans in the ring. It might feel good for Simmonds for a second, but only until Tallin nails him with a low blow, followed up by a shot to the face from half of a light tube that he just found lying on the mat. Scott crawls to the corner and drops to the outside to catch his breath again; while there, he decides that glass isn’t enough, and he proceeds to empty out a pillowcase filled with thumbtacks, Lego and marbles (seriously, who keeps those things together?) on the floor.

The last 5 minutes of the match is when things get really tense. Shane and Scott finally start flirting with the glass, both men trying to hit their biggest moves one after the other. Scott blasts Shane across the head with the full trash can which sends its contents flying everywhere, but it's Shane who finally gets the upper hand by hitting The Shattering, such is his desperation! Tallin drags Simmonds out to the apron but still neither man can get a clear advantage. They jostle for position and as Shane tries to lift Scott for a suplex Scott desperately fumbles for anything he can find, eventually laying his hands on a screwdriver that had fallen out of the trash can, which he uses to stab Shane in the face! Shane lets out an audible grunt before Scott follows it with a hard kick to the groin and finally, after taking all the liberties he could muster, Scott is able to lift Shane with a double underhook and yeet him through the glass sheet and onto the thumbtacks, Lego and marbles with a Lights Out Driver for the win!

While medics tend to Scott and Shane, Crell and Stevie thank the viewers for joining GEW on this historic night.